From Like Attracts Like, to Right Attracts Right 

A boy asked his mom, “How will I be able to find the right woman for me?” The mom answered, “Don’t worry about finding the right woman; concentrate on becoming the right man.”

We’ve all heard variations of this story. We’ve all spoken the words, “I just want to find the right person for me.” This has been said by both men and women.


Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you must first become what you seek. The problem with saying statements such as “I just want to find the right person for me,” is that it’s placing all of the emphasis on what the other person brings and hoping that they’re “perfect” or whole enough to cover your imperfections or un-wholeness (I’m pretty sure that’s not a word).

A friend and I were having a conversation and I told him there is some selfishness to the things that women require of men. Short of Jesus, we want a man that makes six figures, drives a Range Rover, loves dogs, lives in a loft, no kids, debt free, three degrees, volunteers at the homeless shelter, a deacon at the church, mentors troubled youth, likes poetry, likes kids, likes your kids, likes your sister’s kids, speaks five languages, perfect teeth, can predict our mood swings, likes to travel, cooks, perfect credit, and listens.

It made me think, “are those traits, characteristics, and accomplishments even possessed by those asking?” Most of the time the answer is a resounding “NO;” that’s an ideal; something straight out of a book. My friend further challenged my thinking by asking, “what if we [men] had a list like that?” The point is, if you desire that type of person then become that person. If you aren’t the person you’re describing, then it’s unfair to the other person who does posses these qualities.

I’m not just speaking on a physical level. Becoming the right person, in my opinion, has a lot to do with your emotional well-being. It goes without saying that you and your significant other won’t be identical. That would cancel out the beauty of uniqueness; therefore one of you wouldn’t be necessary, but rather you’ll complement one another.


Right attracting right begins with you. It is well within your control to become the right person. Not that you shouldn’t ask, but asking for “the one” without first becoming “the one” comes from a place of selfishness. Seeking to become the right person puts you in a position to give and not be needy. Until that one comes along, focus on becoming spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially right. Focus on being That Good Thing. 

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